I think I want more coffee.
Nahh, no problem. Except for the fact that I'm already in super-productive mode. And by super-productive mode I mean I have not applied to a single job today, but I HAVE written out full novel-long emails of Stix business and read an entire first page of this random BC alum's blog and gotten inspired. I wanna be verbose and witty! (Yeah, yeah, we'll see how that goes.) But obviously it led me here and now I have no idea what I want to write about but my fingers are flying across the keyboard at the speed of caffeine-fueled light.
The summer is winding down, and I feel like despite the fact that my life schedule is gonna change very little come September 1st, I can't help but get into that end-of-summer have-to-fit-it-all-in mode. We were supposed to move Conor into UDel this weekend, but Irene is takin' over and so that's pushed forward a few days, so OH NO now I only have a few days before next weekend and my trip to Boston for birthday celebrations!
Which is probably another part of my "have-to-fit-it-all-in" attitude. I feel like a 22nd birthday necessitates a more serious look at life. Right? Doesn't real life officially begin at 22? At the start of the September after college graduation?! It all just aligns too perfectly to not be true.
Whateva. I'm just excited to be back in that football stadium screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm definitely on the road to being a better Superfan as an Alum than as a student.
8.26.2011
11.15.2010
okay, yeah, i should be doing homework.
but when do i ever look at my math hw and want to do it? to the point where i'm honestly concerned right now. i'm not sure what to expect out of this math grade, and it should've been a breeze.
oh well. i'll get my shit together.
coming back to this site is interesting, cuz reading it brings me back to my balanced, centered, happy, summer self that had struggles but then got back to this balance. and hell, i need balance. more than possibly ever before. i have so many lights in my life - SO many - right now, but it's getting very very hard to see them.
which is why i'm here. because how can i expect things to get better unless i really look at them, and try to figure out what i can fix, right? cuz i made a few choices that made me feel like i wasn't being the best person i could be - and that wasn't necessarily true. at the time they were me making the right choices. and then the small choices were the wrong ones. but they're totally fixable.
yeah this is vague. i'm rambling. i'm gathering.
spent the weekend sober and saturday in, and i feel a lot better already. still stressed, still tired, still sick, still a little hopeless - but better. and i have one more week and then two days and then - home. home for a few days. and i get to write my paper in starbucks. with the baristas i know. and snuggle up with my family and dog and have dad hug me and tell me everything will be okay. and just have someone to look up to, not have to be the biggest, strongest person anymore. know that i'm in arms i can break down in if i need to - and hopefully, just knowing that, not feel like i need to break down anymore.
i feel better already.
oh well. i'll get my shit together.
coming back to this site is interesting, cuz reading it brings me back to my balanced, centered, happy, summer self that had struggles but then got back to this balance. and hell, i need balance. more than possibly ever before. i have so many lights in my life - SO many - right now, but it's getting very very hard to see them.
which is why i'm here. because how can i expect things to get better unless i really look at them, and try to figure out what i can fix, right? cuz i made a few choices that made me feel like i wasn't being the best person i could be - and that wasn't necessarily true. at the time they were me making the right choices. and then the small choices were the wrong ones. but they're totally fixable.
yeah this is vague. i'm rambling. i'm gathering.
spent the weekend sober and saturday in, and i feel a lot better already. still stressed, still tired, still sick, still a little hopeless - but better. and i have one more week and then two days and then - home. home for a few days. and i get to write my paper in starbucks. with the baristas i know. and snuggle up with my family and dog and have dad hug me and tell me everything will be okay. and just have someone to look up to, not have to be the biggest, strongest person anymore. know that i'm in arms i can break down in if i need to - and hopefully, just knowing that, not feel like i need to break down anymore.
i feel better already.
6.26.2010
running like the devil.
Read a couple of interesting articles today, found here and, the article they reference in the first blog post, found here.
i didn't work out this week, to try to let myself recover from a horrific sunburn, and i was already feeling the effects by midweek - stress, frustration, feeling overwhelmed and out of control. enough to make me come home this weekend and regroup - and jump back on the running train. as a fellow blogger once said, "I guess you could say it's my prozac." it balances me and is totally a health boost, in all senses - "It's a sure boost: physically, spiritually, and mentally."
i didn't work out this week, to try to let myself recover from a horrific sunburn, and i was already feeling the effects by midweek - stress, frustration, feeling overwhelmed and out of control. enough to make me come home this weekend and regroup - and jump back on the running train. as a fellow blogger once said, "I guess you could say it's my prozac." it balances me and is totally a health boost, in all senses - "It's a sure boost: physically, spiritually, and mentally."
6.12.2010
these are the nights that I live for.
I knew that coming home would be good for me, that it would be great new perspective, a good refresher, almost a check-in point to see how summer had been treating me (and how I had been treating myself) so far. But I never expected such good things, such a good, introspective drive home (my time to "think about who I want to be", for as I was talking about lately with a friend, how scary is it that so many people don't think about that frequently? Who they want to be and what they want to do? If they're not taking responsibility for reflecting on that, what can we expect out of the world?), to get home and head out the door for a run an hour later, for the same run that i did two weeks ago when I was last home to be so much easier this time around (SO much easier), and for such an incredible night.
Just walking into the house of the people I went to visit tonight makes me feel like a better person. These people have gone through so many hardships in their lives, and not only have they become such wonderful people themselves, but they share stories about what they DID go through and learn to love despite it. And so many stories even past that...of horses raised in childhood, riding their way around old farm country (yes, this is the town I grew up in), my father's old Chincoteague horse, how the woman's grandmother owned 8 bars in Harlem and how there are pictures of the woman sitting on Lena Horne's lap - LENA HORNE. Incredible. Not to mention the zeal they have for life in general, from their house to their many, many children to the adventures they have and their love for one another. They are just so interesting, so rich in information, and so grateful for what they have that you can't help but feel blessed just by being around them. It was full of good wine, amazing food that had been cooking all day, incredible company and stimulating conversation, all sitting around a fire and just enjoying each other's company. These people have got the dinner party thing down pat, and I can only hope to take a few lessons away from them, if only regarding socializing (learning from their style of living and their perspective on life wouldn't be too bad of an idea, either.)
some favorites right now:
Just walking into the house of the people I went to visit tonight makes me feel like a better person. These people have gone through so many hardships in their lives, and not only have they become such wonderful people themselves, but they share stories about what they DID go through and learn to love despite it. And so many stories even past that...of horses raised in childhood, riding their way around old farm country (yes, this is the town I grew up in), my father's old Chincoteague horse, how the woman's grandmother owned 8 bars in Harlem and how there are pictures of the woman sitting on Lena Horne's lap - LENA HORNE. Incredible. Not to mention the zeal they have for life in general, from their house to their many, many children to the adventures they have and their love for one another. They are just so interesting, so rich in information, and so grateful for what they have that you can't help but feel blessed just by being around them. It was full of good wine, amazing food that had been cooking all day, incredible company and stimulating conversation, all sitting around a fire and just enjoying each other's company. These people have got the dinner party thing down pat, and I can only hope to take a few lessons away from them, if only regarding socializing (learning from their style of living and their perspective on life wouldn't be too bad of an idea, either.)
some favorites right now:
5.31.2010
a fresh start.
summer - always comes at my unhealthiest time, the time i need it most, where i'm just shaking off the late-"new england winter" blues and all the stress, the time when i can really TAKE time, work on myself, my person, energy, and soul.
i'm excited to be in newton for the summer, to incorporate my summer self, my summer lifestyle, into life near school. it might make it easier to weave in throughout the year - and it's just so good to get time to myself like this. to force myself to be bigger and better, to get out there and live how i want to, not how i feel that i have to.
a few cool things:
this guy is doing what i've said so many times that i want to do - incredible.
and a new obsession:
i'm excited to be in newton for the summer, to incorporate my summer self, my summer lifestyle, into life near school. it might make it easier to weave in throughout the year - and it's just so good to get time to myself like this. to force myself to be bigger and better, to get out there and live how i want to, not how i feel that i have to.
a few cool things:
this guy is doing what i've said so many times that i want to do - incredible.
and a new obsession:
3.23.2010
back to boston.
headed home after break - beautiful weather, looking forward to being back with everyone....
and jumped right back into craziness.
getting excited for st. patrick's day, exciting visits, and ridiculous roommate shenanigans
birthdays and funerals - car funerals, that is
my crafty side came out for a daily health reminder
and hell week took control, from skit-writing to show-running
and of course, i showed my true color on st. patrick's day :)
3.07.2010
bear mountain.
home.
it was certainly nice to be home for the week - some pictures, starting with the first day of my planned "365" - feb 28, 2010.
something so good about being home - sitting by the fire, reading a book, cozied up with the rest of the family, even with the power out - and then not being snowed in, being able to run out to get coffee with dad. love the downtime.
got to dance - always key to being home - and get more coffee, which definitely made life good, even while doing homework for a lot of the week (but not nearly enough.)
the familytime was nice too - here after our girls' day (with my first professional massage!) and celebrating kimi's birthday with a sleepover.
2.28.2010
the beginning.
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And so I reenter the blogging world. I'm hoping this will be my inspiration - to delve further into photography even before I take a course in the fall (God willing), to complete project 365 and find pictures everyday to represent my life - to observe and examine myself and the world around me in a way that takes more time than I generally give.
I can't promise any of it will be good, or worth sharing at all. But it's an attempt.
To good music and good surroundings - both of which I'll try to document here -
brianna.
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