okay, yeah, i should be doing homework.

but when do i ever look at my math hw and want to do it? to the point where i'm honestly concerned right now. i'm not sure what to expect out of this math grade, and it should've been a breeze.

oh well. i'll get my shit together.

coming back to this site is interesting, cuz reading it brings me back to my balanced, centered, happy, summer self that had struggles but then got back to this balance. and hell, i need balance. more than possibly ever before. i have so many lights in my life - SO many - right now, but it's getting very very hard to see them.

which is why i'm here. because how can i expect things to get better unless i really look at them, and try to figure out what i can fix, right? cuz i made a few choices that made me feel like i wasn't being the best person i could be - and that wasn't necessarily true. at the time they were me making the right choices. and then the small choices were the wrong ones. but they're totally fixable.

yeah this is vague. i'm rambling. i'm gathering.

spent the weekend sober and saturday in, and i feel a lot better already. still stressed, still tired, still sick, still a little hopeless - but better. and i have one more week and then two days and then - home. home for a few days. and i get to write my paper in starbucks. with the baristas i know. and snuggle up with my family and dog and have dad hug me and tell me everything will be okay. and just have someone to look up to, not have to be the biggest, strongest person anymore. know that i'm in arms i can break down in if i need to - and hopefully, just knowing that, not feel like i need to break down anymore.

i feel better already.